"Finding The Right Counselor For Me”

So many qualities make up who we are and how we show-up to interact with others, and when it comes to getting connected in counseling, it’s important to consider those factors. In this article, the words “counseling” and “therapy” describe the same service, just as “counselor, therapist, social worker, clinician, psychotherapist” are often used interchangeably to describe the same professional. There are some significant differences between schooling and work experience among professionals who work in the field, providing similar services to clients. We’ll discuss some of the things you can think about when you make your choice, like what type of professional to see, how to decide if the “fit” is good, and what to do once you find the right one for you.

Some identity-related factors that influence who you choose for counseling are: phase of life, age, gender, language(s) spoken, timing, specialities, faith/spiritual background, work

experience, race and/or ethnicity, general friendliness and likability, and personality - it can seem personal and complex pretty quickly! These variables can apply to you or the counselor, again, complex! The mix between your variables and the variables of the therapist often requires that you stretch your comfort zone; if someone has requirements for gender, specialty, time of day for appointments, and age of their counselor, that person may need to reconsider one or more of these factors so they can receive counseling in a timely manner.

Some examples:

Personality - Playfulness/Humor: When children come to counseling, it’s important that the professional has an approachable and playful demeanor; kids will need to be able to relate to this adult and feel comfortable to open-up and “play” through their feelings, or act-out scenarios using their imaginations. Play Therapists to-the-rescue! But not all family therapists are Registered Play Therapists (RPTs), which could be especially important to the young client. If a therapist doesn’t play easily, there may be some difficulty making progress if they are working one-on-one with a child.

Age - Older or Younger Than Me?: Many people use age as an indicator of whether or not

they can relate through life stages or an assumed level of knowledge and wisdom. The time

spent alive may not always be the best indicator for relatability, but if someone feels more

comfortable and able to open-up to someone around their age, it could be an important deciding factor. Many counselor and client bonds work well, regardless or because-of a 10+ year age difference!

Gender - Matching or Different?: Gender identity and assumed gender of a therapist can be a significant variable of comfort for clients, and yet gender differences can create great

conversation and learning for both client and therapist. For instance, a woman who is seeking therapy to process past abuse by a male partner may prefer to work with a woman since there could be too many triggers present with a man, so her choice to prioritize her comfort can be a great win for trauma recovery. Oppositely, the gender of a therapist that matches that of a past abusive person could make way for a person to move through the difficult connections their brain has associated with that gender.

These are just a few examples of how identity may factor into your choices for counselors. One of the most important things to remember is that your choice is valid - you have the power to determine what’s best for you, throughout the therapy process.

With so many different licensed professionals providing psychologically-based therapies, it can be hard to know what it all means. You might consider these groups like branches on the same tree: psychologists, professional counselors, marriage and family therapists, and social workers - they all have key differences in how they address problems and develop strategies for progress. For most clients, the focus of your counseling and the speciality and experience of your counselor will be the biggest determining factor.

So, you found someone who seems like a good fit for therapy, now what?! Some of the

best counseling is built on a balance of trust and challenge. And while you may find the right fit for you, it’s important to remember that it’s okay if you change or your needs change. And since counselors are human, their lives change too! Throughout your therapeutic relationship, it’s okay to ask counselors tough questions, and challenge them to grow their perspectives along with you. It can be helpful to think of therapy happening in chapters, each with a unique place in your life’s timeline. As you grow and change, you can determine the best professional for you - you are who makes the therapy work!

By: Andrew Frosch LSCSW, LCSW