Breaking Bad News to Kiddos

Sharing difficult news with children and teens and supporting them through the associated

emotions can feel overwhelming, whether the information is specific to that child or family such as a new medical diagnosis or death or related to broader concerns such as national tragedies. This blog is intended to provide guidance on how to navigate these situations in an honest, validating and age appropriate way. Consideration of the child’s age and developmental level is crucial, but there are constants that span all age ranges, including providing direct and honest communication, validation of their feelings, reassurance that they are supported and safe and the willingness to be present and answer their questions. It is important to manage your emotions and remain calm to the extent possible to provide reassurance and a sense of calm as they process this information.

Young Children (up to 5):

Children this age are highly dependent on their parents and will respond according to how their parents react. Information should be shared using very simple explanations, providing

reassurance that whatever may have happened is not their fault and they are safe. Encourage their expression of feelings through talk, play or art. Children this age may repeat questions over and over as they process the information.

Support for this age group includes increased touch through holding, hugging, or cuddling especially around bedtime. Maintaining routines and engaging them in activities such as games for distraction can be helpful as well. Behavior changes you may notice include increased clinginess, tantrums, regression such as wetting the bed or thumb sucking, increased fear and sensitivity.

School age (6-11)

Children this age are learning to talk through their feelings but still require significant support and guidance from their parents. Information shared should be concrete and clear as children this age can be confused by vague answers and benefit from simple facts and knowledge. Ask questions regarding their feelings and provide a space for them to share their thoughts and emotions.

Support for this age group includes validating their emotions, reassuring them that they are safe and supporting them through any associated changes. Maintain routines and keep things as normal as possible, limit exposure to distressing information/images and increase time spent with the child. Engage in meaningful conversations and activities.

Behavior changes you may notice include increased anger/irritability, anxiety, disruption in eating or sleeping patterns, physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches, difficulties at school or in peer relationships, increased fear, and potential refusal to discuss.

Teens/adolescents (12-18)

Teens and adolescents are seeking more independence and control and receiving upsetting

news can make them feel out of control or more emotional in light of the many changes already occurring at this age. Information shared should be honest and direct and they should have space to ask questions. It is not uncommon for them to withdraw so initiating conversations when together while still respecting their space will be helpful. This age group has a developing world view so may have deeper or more complex questions. Reassure your teen that they are safe. Peer relationships are critical at this age so they may seek support from friends and peer support groups may be appropriate in some situations.

Behavior changes you may note include difficulties in school, changes in peer relationships,

withdrawal or isolation, use of drugs/alcohol, reckless or dangerous behavior, anger and

resentment, symptoms of depression and anxiety, mood swings and irritability. In light of

increased independence, pay particular attention to your teen’s safety.

For all age groups, it is critical to meet their communication and support needs. Depending on the severity of the event, the child’s emotional response, family functioning, underlying mental health diagnosis or other factors it may be appropriate or necessary to seek counseling or crisis intervention for children following difficult news or traumatic events. If they are experiencing symptoms that are increasingly distressing, impacting daily functioning and relationships or there is concern about their safety it is important to reach out for help through support groups, counseling or crisis intervention.

By: Lisa McElroy, LCSW, LSCSW

References:

Helping children cope after a traumatic event. Child Mind Institute. (2025, July 30).

https://childmind.org/guide/helping-children-cope-after-a-traumatic-event/

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Helping children and adolescents

cope with traumatic events. National Institute of Mental Health.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/helping-children-and-adolescents-cope-with-dis

asters-and-other-traumatic-events

Sources:

NICH Helping CHildren and Adolescents Copie with Traumatic Events