Communication with Partners

Communicating is hard!  With so many methods of communication today, it seems so easy for a message to land sideways.  Effective communication can be described as: Getting the idea out of my mind and into your mind with as little distortion as possible.  Some things that distort and then derail effective communication are assuming negative intent, failure to confirm message was received, projecting unrelated past experiences onto the current situation, being under the influence of mind altering substances, trauma, or being hungry.  This list could grow without coming to an end.  The important question is, how to minimize or eliminate the distraction.

There are some helpful principles found in the culture of radio traffic.  Radio traffic is used in many professions including law enforcement, air traffic control, trucking, fire service, military, ambulance service, and production environments to name only a few.  While there are many variations, the general principle follows this line: Ask for attention, Confirm that you have my attention, Send the message, Confirm message receipt, Clarify message, Confirm clarification, Sender confirms message is done, Receiver confirms message is done.

In this process, there is agreement and active participation on both the sender and receiver as to how the process works.  There is practice and training involved in establishing this understanding.  There is also the agreement, that unless the entire process is completed, communication has not happened.  No assumptions.  The process maintains a consistency in the progression.  Both the sender and receiver agree to and follow the same process consistently.

Often in relationships, we do not apply these principles.  We do not take the time to talk about how we talk about talking about it.  By investing the time into establishing and practicing a process of communication, we will take less time to communicate and become more effective which then results in significantly reduced relationship distress.

So, remember, Talk about how you talk about talking about it.

By: Eric Hansen LSCSW, LMSW, LMAC, CADC