The Someday Aisle: Why “Not Doing Enough” Is Often a Signal, Not a Failure

You push your mental shopping cart down the Someday Aisle of your brain where every shelf gleams with promises: Someday I’ll have a spotless house and eat only kale and ethically raised, locally sourced meat. Someday I’ll set perfect boundaries and never have to deal with toxic family members again. Someday I’ll be so organized, thin, and accomplished that everyone will finally love me. 

Each box claims that if you just do more, fix one more flaw, work another hour, or master one more routine you will at last be happy, whole, and enough. You reach for one, give it a try, and then you are left clutching emptiness as that inner voice sneers “See? You just didn’t try hard enough.” 

That aisle is a scam. It sells the lie that your worth depends on productivity, perfection, and a distant “when.” In Laziness Does Not Exist, Devon Price, PhD, names this the Laziness Lie, the culturally reinforced belief that your value is earned through nonstop doing so any pause or flaw becomes a moral failure. Each vanished miracle fix only deepens shame and paralyzes you instead of propelling real change.  

The truth is that “not doing enough” rarely means you are broken. More often it signals that your plan, pace, or supports need adjustment and that shame is masquerading as motivation when it actually erodes confidence and stalls progress. 

1. Notice your Someday Aisle cravings and aversions

When you find yourself longing for the Someday Aisle, pause and ask: “What am I really craving here? What discomfort am I avoiding?”

Naming that impulse. For example, “I want approval” or “I fear being judged” or

“I hate feeling imperfect” begins to dismantle the shame that masquerades as

motivation. 

2. Reframe setbacks as data

Instead of thinking “I failed again,” try saying, “This stumble tells me my

approach or supports are not aligned.” That shift transforms shame into useful

information that guides your next step. 

3. Build micro-boundaries to protect your presence

Forget all-or-nothing solutions. Choose tiny, realistic commitments such as

working for ten minutes and then taking a genuine break or doing a five minute

tidy session before resting. Those small guardrails interrupt the craving to overdo

and the aversion to struggle and give you permission to rest and recalibrate. 

4. Speak with compassionate curiosity

Replace internal critiques like “Why can’t I just get this right?” with questions

such as “What part of this felt hardest today?” or replace “I should be further by

now” with “What support do I need right now?” That tone replaces shame’s harsh

verdicts with kindness and curiosity. 

When every misstep is read as a moral failing, you miss the real barriers such as cultural

pressures, unrealistic expectations, past wounds, or simple human limits. Therapy and life

become loops of self-condemnation. Rest and self-love in this imperfect moment are radical acts of resistance against the Laziness Lie. They free you to notice genuine signals and take sustainable action. 

The Someday Aisle will never stock a real solution. Your worth is not measured by productivity or perfection and shame never motivates lasting growth. By noticing cravings and aversions, reframing setbacks as data, setting micro-boundaries, and practicing compassionate self-talk, you step off that aisle and into authentic, sustainable transformation starting in the here and now.

By: Tiffane Friesen LMSW